Planned to be Up...But Down I Am

I'm almost 53 years old and generally look the part. I have greying hair, a rather large and (unfortunately) growing pot-gut, and, in my opiniono, exceptionally ugly legs (though they are exceptionally powerful, goddamn it!). I insist on wearing shorts when I can, regardless of my ugly legs and miserable knees. I don't plant myself in the middle of attractive people, expecting to be perceived as attractive; I just go about my business. Fuck attractive. Temperatures above 106 require shorts. Actually, those temps require wading pools and ice, as my blogging friend Isbelita suggested in response to one of my recent rants.

I'm me. I like it OK. OK, I've not achieved my ideal body fat ratio, but I'm not weeping at my miserable, wizened skeleton, covered from head to toe with fat and flesh and fear. Screw it. I am OK, at least tonight I am, with my body. I consider myself a 3.73 on an 8 point scale. Maybe better. And I am working on it...slowly.

All of that drivel is a prelude to my next statements.

'Ugly' people don't deserve the moniker. There are no ugly people. There are only ugly attitudes. I see people sometimes who are very, very unattractive and I know they know it and it makes tears well up in my eyes. It really pisses me off that people who don't fit the fashion-plate definition of attractive can be treated so badly by the average person. What does it take for people to ignore obesity, skin problems, undeveloped limbs, crossed-eyes, and the myriad other 'maladies' that plant themselves on people? What is it about humanity that finds it fun to laugh at other people, to make fun of them, to take joy in their misfortunes?

I am not speaking as someone who has never engaged in the behavior that I now find so offensive. I've been as much of a prick as anyone has; but somehow I have long since realized it. I do believe I would have been less of a prick if the stupidity of my attitudes had been driven into me hard as a very young kid. Maybe not. I'm not blaming my parents, because they were fine people who would NEVER had accepted their children making fun of people who were 'ugly.'

One of my sisters sent me an email this morning that went into some detail about a couple who lived very, very long lives and had a long and wonderful marriage. I liked their attitude...after a certain point, they decided to make only right turns, because elderly people tend to have poor eyesight, depth perception, etc. and one of the leding causes of motor vehicle accidents for the elderly is turning in front of other people. So they decided not to do it. They made right turns until they reached their destinations. People would laught at those folks, too. But they deserved honor and respect for recognizing their potential faults...not ridicule for it.

I learned late this afternoon, after I arrived home (my wife and business partner was still at work...she called me with the news), that our health insurance premiums are increasing by more than 100%. We pay about 70% of our staff's premiums, but this huge increase will hammer that. We've not been able to increase our management fees lately. This situation argues that we must. Either that, or we have to cut staff. I hate being my own boss. I want a pension! I want 5 weeks vacation! I want to earn more than minimum wage!

Back to the issue at hand. My health insurance issues, as important and troubling as they are to me, are meaningless when compared to people who are abused because of their appearance or other things out of their control. I get very upset by such stuff. It makes me question whethere there really is any innate goodness in my fellow humans. Too often, I think not.