When I Grow Up, I Want to be a...

My office is, finally, beginning to look reasonably well-organized. I have had boxes full of useless crap stacked all over the office for months...too lazy to go through it, throw it out, or take it to storage. On the likelihood that prospective clients may come by, though, I got in gear and insisted that everyone else do the same. I want the offices to look presentable to potential clients. Only one office still looks like a paper-recycling station...but it's far better than it has been. The woman who occupies the office is probably the least-productive person on staff...much busy work, but not much real productivity.

I think I will have to fire her, but first I need to get a new client to enable me to get a new person in here who will be able to take up the slack during the transition. I fired the woman's predecessor. I am not good at hiring people, at least people I can afford. I know good people when I see them...but they are always out of my price range...I would like to hire them, but then I would not be able to pay other people. I need existing clients to pay reasonable fees for the work they expect us to perform. Or, I need to get out of this business and do something completely different.

I cannot be a farmer. As much as I would like to think I could, I cannot. I don't have the knowledge, background, skills, stamina, or capital.

I cannot be a cardiac surgeon. I do not want to be a cardiac surgeon. But I would like the income of a cardiac surgeon.

I cannot be a mercenary soldier, for the reasons under 'farmer' above and for the fact that 'the game is not worth the candle.' (If you have read certain parts of this blog before, you will know what that means.)

I cannot be a ballet dancer. For many reasons.

I cannot be an auctioneer...maybe I could, but I do not want to be an auctioneer.

I cannot be a nose straightener. As for cardiac surgeon, I do not want to be a plastic surgeon (nose straightener), but would appreciate the income.

I can be who I am. Who I am should not necessarily link inextricably to what I do. I keep having to tell myself that. Given sufficient time to clear my mind and settle my nerves, I think I could write stuff that people would want to read. Fiction, mostly, but also nonfiction. I'd like to learn to paint, as well. And I'd like to learn how to create stained glass. The stained glass class I expected my wife to give me as a present did not materialize, so maybe I should just bite the bullet and buy it for myself.

My wife used to like to sew, but she doesn't do it anymore. I wonder what she wants to learn to do.