While I think I understand the genesis of the rage, I still think it is bullshit, pure and simple. Muslims are using this insignificant incident to justify irrational behavior. One Arabic newspaper decided that the right way to respond to what it called an inexcusable attack on Islam with a contest for the best cartoons mocking the holocaust. Now THAT's an adult, rational thing to do: "Your actions were barbaric and inhuman, so we are going to respond with actions that are barbaric and inhuman." The imams who have been busily spreading the hatred, stirring emotions, and calling on Muslims everyone to cut the heads off of Danes are not just religious zealots, they are murderous bastards whose very existence argues convincingly for preemptive execution. Don't these imbeciles understand that everything they are doing is playing into the hands of George Bush and his Stalinist henchmen? If they want a holy war, they're certainly on the right track.
This entire mess argues in favor of the notion that religion, particularly organized religion, is simply a form of severe psychosis. And it's not the endearing neurotic kind...it's the dangerous, fundamentally immoral, corrupt and viscious kind.
I watch this play out and wonder whether humankind is worth trying to save. All we seem to be able to do is wreck the planet, cause widespread terror and suffering, and then fight to the death about whose imaginary super-being is best.
Despite my despair over the future of the planet and the human race, I do think the religious zealotry can be funny. All of the bizzare practices and beliefs of religions and cults and such make me laugh.
- A religion that considers the very idea of an image of its highest prophet to be sacreligious...cartoons that are the work of a deep evil...what a hoot!
- People standing in line just so a guy who some people think has some pipeline to God can put ashes on their foreheads...this is more than a little odd.
I've started thinking it would be fun to create a religion of my own and institute some rules and practices to guide it.
My New Religion: Caribbism
Caribbism is based on my belief that all of mankind sprang from the dream of an ancient caribou that had the power to create beings simply by dreaming them. In one dream, the caribou saw a being with light skin and very little body hair emerge from a river. The being started making noises with its mouth and soon other beings came running. Then, another being emerged from the water; this one had dark skin and a bit more body hair...and the hair was curly. After the dream, we're not quite sure what happened, but what is clear is that once the animal had the dream, it created these creatures who, as we all now know, are people of all colors and sizes and with various types of hair.
Since we owe our very existence to that caribou, we now worship it. And, as we know, the caribou lives on in the skies and the land and the air. It has magical powers and, if we chose not to worship it, the caribou would initiate a dream recall, which as we know would result in the human race's return to pre-existence. So, we worship the caribou. And, as we all know, the caribou has a name, but we cannot say that name, cannot even think it, and cannot allow it to be written, or a huge herd of caribou would drop down from the skies and would run rough-shod over every man, woman, and child on this planet.
Over the millennia since the caribou had its dream, each bristle of its fur has become a pen and has written a billion words. These words have collectively become the Book of Caribou, in which the wisdom of the caribou is passed to humans and which guide our every belief. One of the rules of the Book of Caribou, not surprisingly, instructs us that we must not eat caribou meat except on Thursdays. We have all spoken to the caribou whose name we cannot even think and we know why it is that eating caribou meat is OK on Thursdays, but we cannot exchange that information among ourselves or we will bring a plague upon us and we will live for all eternity in an earthen tub filled with sharp-toothed, alcohol-spewing maggots. So, you and I know why it's OK to eat caribou on Thursdays, but we can't talk about it.
As luck would have it, the sort of anonymous caribou made an announcement earlier this week that I have been named his one and only channeler on earth. So, I am now in the position of informing the rest of you of new rules. Almost immediately upon informing me of my new position the caribou told me he was angry, very angry, about all these other religions. He told me that they were truly a sin against his truth. He told me to tell you that it's time to put an end to all of their lies. So, here's the deal: you, each and every one of you, are to take up arms against the false religions of the world, including all forms of Protestantism, Catholicism, Islam, Hinduism, etc., etc. Yep, take up arms against them. We are to de-life their devotees (we can no longer use the "k" word, thanks to a new caribou rule), using axes, knives, poisons, bricks, baseball bats, rifles, pistols, nails, hammers, automobiles, razor blades, etc., etc., etc. until there are none left but us, the Caribs. Since I'm the new guy in charge, you'll need to wait for further instructions from me. In the meantime, remember, no more lottery tickets for those of you in Washington, DC and Zagreb, thanks to the caribou's most recent proclamations.
Finally, remember that you are free to sacrifice 'pro-life' protesters, provided you ensure that their carcasses are used to feed homeless animals.
It's too bad that religions take themselves so seriously...
No comments:
Post a Comment