I Want to Sell My Body...Now

For sale, 1953 model Human Being, fully-loaded, relatively low mileage. Sale includes ears, feet, legs, hands, elbows, head, neck, and well-endowed torso, all immaculately clean; humorous obituary available upon request, at no additional charge. Priced at $4,500,000, firm, with 50% deposit payable in cash upon acceptance of offer. Balance financed at 8.75% for five years, beginning upon acceptance of offer. Buyer must arrange delivery, at buyer's expense, to take place within 36 hours of seller's demise. Delivery will not take place until payment in full has been documented and delivered to seller or seller's agent. If interested, contact seller.