Thinking Well Past Midnight

I just glanced at the clock; it's 2:47 am. I should be in bed, luxuriating in restorative sleep that will enable me to take on anything the light of day throws at me. Instead, I've been visiting CNN and NPR websites, reading things that I should have listened to yesterday. I read The Ground We Lived On, a piece about the last days a daughter shared with her 85 year-old father who was dying of lung cancer. I read Untold Stories of Kindness, from the This I Believe series, which presents the beliefs of Sgt. Ernesto Haibi, an Army Medic in Iraq. I read about Rudy Giuliani's formation of an 'exploratory' committee to raise funds and test the waters for a potential run for president in 2008. I'm not sorry I read those things; I learned from them. But I do wish I had been able to sleep. I know that, without more sleep tonight, I'll again run into a wall tomorrow and become unproductive and grouchy.

It's too late to have a glass of wine to encourage sleep. I'd likely wake up with the unpleasant taste of an overnight binge were I to sip on some wine now. And I dare not make a cup of coffee at this hour, though it does sound inviting, for fear of institutionalizing my inappropriate alertness. Maybe a cup of tea will do the trick. I brought some nice green tea back for my wife from my recent trip...maybe my wife would not mind if I tried some myself. Or, at least, I could try some of her regular decaf tea...it's actually rather good. By the time I decide to stop writing, though, I may not be in the mood to sip something...I may be sleepy enough to go back to bed and drift off to sleep.

I can't get my mind off my staffer who just learned she has a brain tumor. I've been getting increasingly upset with her over her poor performance. 've even thought it must be caused by a medical condition. Yet still I was upset with her for not recognizing that possibility and taking steps to deal with it. When I did take steps to force the issue by demanding she see a doctor and telling her she was on leave until that happened, I was advised by the HR professionals from the PEO I deal with that I had overstepped my bounds. When is it OK to force such an issue? There is an ill-defined line between privacy and performance, I've found.

Soon...a week and a few days from now, I think, my wife and my sister (who is flying in from California) and I will drive to Texarkana to participate in the 'blessing of the marriage' of my niece and her husband. It's not often that I go into a church; it's not often that I'm willing to do so. But, on this occasion, I'm willing to ignore my feelings about organized religion and simply go with the flow that will make my niece and her family happy. I recognize, sometimes, that my attitudes about religion are not the most important thoughts on the planet...although those 'sometimes' seem infrequent to some who know me.

It's after 3:15 am now, which means I've been at this for about half an hour. I will stop now...maybe try to go back to sleep, but more likely I will explore the contents of the refrigerator and wash a dish or two. I do have such an exciting nightlife.