It's a Shame to Waste a Criminal Mind

I've decided to launch a series of related magazines. They will be, to my knowledge, the only magazines of their kind, yet they should have extremely broad appeal. Because the markets toward which they will be directed have been extremely underserved, I anticipate an enormous amount of pent-up demand for the magazines. Just consider some of the magazines after which my new series will be modeled:

Midwifery Today, dedicated to the "heart and science of birth," targets a very distinct, utterly unique marketplace;
World Literature Today, showcases literature and culture from around the globe, also has a unique audience;
Psychology Today, which sprang from an interest in pop psychology, has evolved to focus its attention on an audience with unique reading needs.

After giving the matter considerable thought, then, I have decided to launch the following publications:

Auto Theft Today, targeted toward the professional who finds it increasingly difficult to keep pace with technological developments in automotive theft deterent systems;
Home Invasion Today, a magazine for the discerning criminal who needs to know the latest tips and tricks for avoiding occupied dwellings during his or her professional undertakings;
Mugging Today, aimed at the more violent offender who wishes to keep abreast of current practices in illicit crimes against persons;
Bank Robbery Today, a hard-hitting practical how-to guide that features monthly interviews with professionals who have retired from their careers (they got caught) and with some of the more astute players who continue to astonish the critics.

I am seeking experienced editors for each of the publications. Applicants should have impeccable editorial credentials, a strong work ethic, and experience in the fields of endeavor appropriate to the publication for which they are seeking to serve. We are looking for advertising sales people, as well; they will be paid on commission and must be willing to sign a code of standards and ethics.

To apply, send a PDF file of a series of pages that show your name, Social Security number, full address, credit card numbers and corresponding expiration dates and PINs, and a signed blank bank check to, info@criminalitytoday.com.