Voices & Wishes & Horses & Wings & Carnage

OK, I'm becoming a bit of a geek. I stumbled across an interesting little Java script yesterday and have incorporated it into my Internet Resources Page (linked to the right where it reads "See my Internet resource page.") If you go to that page, you'll see at the bottom of the left hand column "Move your mouse over this to hear the voice of the Geezer." If you do, indeed, move your mouse over it, you will begin downloading a wav file of my voice saying something inane. It's really pretty slick, though, and seeing all of the stuff that Java script can do, along with various other sorts of programming languages, etc., makes me want to learn to do some of the "stuff."

For example, as of now, all of our databases are strictly Access-based and are not usable on or from the web. If I knew more, I could perhaps link them, but that's not the direction I want to go. I'd like to have all sorts of functionality online, enabling clients to update their own records, etc. That would enable me to streamline lots of stuff and would enable me to either have a smaller staff or accomplish more with the staff I have. Of course, this supposes I will stay in this business. No guarantee of that. I wish I could snap my fingers and make some of these things happen. Which reminds me of something my wife once said, as she was trying to remember the phrase "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride." She didn't get it quite right, though, and it came out: "If wishes were horses we'd all have wings." I laughed for a week. I still laugh whenever I remember it.

Now on to something entirely different. I heard someone, whose name escapes me, being interviewed on the radio about his life's work. He was asked whether he had ever thought how he would like his obituary to read; his response (which was wonderfully funny) led me to write my own ideal obituary in his style, absent the niceties:

John Geezer, age 143, was killed yesterday following a duel after being challenged over the affections of a young woman. Geezer's challenger, a man 90 years younger than he, confronted Geezer and accused him of seducing the young woman away from him with lies and treachery. Geezer denied the charge with a wink and a nod, but suggested that, had it been true, it would have been understandable that the young woman would have preferred him to the challenger, considering the scoundrel's limited intelligence and sexual inadequacy.

The challenger was the first injured in the fray, with Geezer's bullet grazing his temple, while the challenger's bullet failed to find its target. Both men abandoned their pistols after the first shots were fired, continuing on with swords. It was then that Geezer's superior age failed him, as his aggressor's agility allowed him to plunge the blade into Geezer's heart, ending his life in an instant. The challenger's sweet victory was short-lived, though, as the young woman whose honor he had questioned pulled the sword from Geezer's chest, swung it at his neck, and laughed as his head fell to the ground from his severed neck.

If someone finds my blog by doing a search on the internet, I can find out which search words they used to find it. I've been surprised during the last couple of months; at least four times, people have landed on archived postings dealing with the pronunciation of turmeric. Their search terms? They have entered into Google, with no quotation marks, pronounce turmeric. And there it is!