WMD...Weather of Mass Destruction

Bush decided he would lead the investigation into "what went right and what went wrong" in the response to Hurricane Katrina. He and his team evaluated all the facts, examined all the reasons for the delayed Federal response, considered all the reasons CNN staff, Harry Connick, Jr., and Sean Penn could find and rescue people from the floodwaters while the "government" could not, and assessed the reasons the Federal budget had eliminated funds that could have protected New Orleans from the floodwaters. Bush and his team looked at the way hurricanes are formed and why they seem to be growing in intensity.

After this careful investigation, President Bush came to the following conclusions:

• Hurricanes generally form somewhere off the west coast of Africa and frequently drift toward North America
• Because these hurricanes can cause catastrophic damage to the U.S., we must consider them the enemy
• Harry Connick, Jr. and others who got to New Orleans and pulled people from the flood did so without the knowledge and consent of the U.S. Government...in addition, if they are so damn powerful and caring, they should have reinforced the levees
• The call by the Governor of Louisiana for all available assistance was not made using the proper U.S. Government forms, in triplicate
• If the President really thought people were serious in asking for money to reinforce the levees, he would gladly have diverted large sums of money from Iraq to New Orleans, but the pleas for assistance were not "realistic" enough
• If the enemy (hurricanes) are attacking us from the coast of Africa, then that makes Africa our enemy...any continent that would provide any support to weather of mass destruction is evil and is our enemy
• Taken together, these facts can lead to no other conclusion than this: the Unites States of America, to protect its own citizens from the scourges of weather of mass destruction, must take immediate military action against all the nations of Africa.
• Being President of the United States is hard work...it's hard