It's Mighty Warm Here in the Homestate of Our Miserable Excuse for a President

It's 8:43 pm in Dallas...and it's 97 degrees.

Once again, I invoke my right to complain bitterly about the people who decided to settle in north Texas. Those people obviously were sadists. They looked deep into their minds and said, "By settling here, we can inflict pain for generations to come. We can ensure that some people in the future will suffer, and suffer badly. We may not have the ability to create nuclear bombs, but we can bring future generations to their knees, cursing the heat as they take their final, hyper-heated breaths."

Or, something like that.

I have been reading of late about the wonderful temperatures in Seattle and Ashland, Oregon. I have seen the forecasts for Chapala, Mexico. It's 78 degrees there at 8:45 pm. Living in this sweltering hell-hole seems too much like punishment for me to believe it is coincidental that I live here. Despite my serious doubts about a devine being, I am beginning to think there is a hate-fairie in control of my comfort. I think that maybe, just maybe, I am being given instructions: "Move to friendlier climes!"

OK. I'm game. I need an immediate injection of large volumes of cash. I promise I will spend it wisely and will make the donors proud. If you need to know where to send it, let me know.