Tightly Wound, Tense

There must be something that's really putting stress on me lately, but I can't pin it down. For at least a week, I've been incredibly moody, triggering my rage and wrath at the slightest provocation. Every time, there's something to which I can trace it, but it's never even remotely important enough to justify a meltdown. In man cases, it's simply my reaction to a situation where's there's no legitimate blame to be laid, but I've found it easy to lay blame.

After 54 years, I should know how to deal with my own disappointments but I'm afraid it appears not to be the case of late. The people around me, the people I love, shouldn't have to put up with it. It's inexcusable. But it goes on.

I wonder if it's the incessant pain in my neck and shoulder that's pushing me over the edge, but I think it's probably not that. The pain has actually subsided a good bit over the last week. I wonder if it's the fact that several clients seem to be folding up around me. That could be it, I suppose. Bt you'd think I would work to keep them, instead of pushing the envelope, and almost daring them to walk.

My all-to-frequent tirades about my business and my clients may be getting to me. I may really need a vacation, time to think it out. But, of course, I can't possibly step away now, not even briefly. There's just too much to do and too much that only I can do. That's not right; others should know how to deal with issues that are now my sole province. That' my fault, no one else's.

Some days I feel like I'm so close to snapping I can hear the fibers in my brain begin to fray and pop. I can only imagine what people who have to deal with me must feel; it must be far worse for them. Maybe by simply putting this down in black and white and allowing myself to think it will help alleviate the strain, put the tightly wound coil back in my brain. I do hope so.