Christmas on Acid

If you tend to be offended by "stuff," don't read this "stuff." I decided to have some fun with Christmas and churches and all manner of other things that just made me feel like writing "poetry" this morning.


It was late Christmas morning and I awoke with a start
As a man dressed in red thrust a knife toward my heart

He laughed as he sliced me, and drew back for one more
But a leopard named Pansy then leapt through the door

Embroiled in a struggle, they didn't notice me leave
But I had a plan, and an ace up my sleeve

I called out to the reindeer who slept on my roof
"Help me," I said, "Can I borrow your hoof?"

He nodded and charged down, back to my bed,
But the red man and the leopard by then both lay dead

I turned to the reindeer and told him my plan
"If they hadn't been dead, we would have stomped them, see, man."

But the reindeer stood awestruck, as the red man arose,
And slashed out with his knife, at the reindeer's red nose

"Holy shit, he's alive!" the reindeer then snorted,
"It's a miracle, it's magic, holy shit," I retorted.

I then grabbed my cross and some bottled God water
And said, "Back off, heathen, or I'll murder your daughter!"

Well the red man, he laughed, and turned into a toad,
And the reindeer and I said, "Hey, man, hit the road!"

Then, the reindeer got smoky and drifted high in the air
And I smelled some bacon and some grilled grizzly bear.

I got awfully hungry and wanted something to eat
But when I tried walking I noticed rope on my feet

I said, "Hey, what's this rope here, why am I tied?"
"I just don't want to be et up," the grizzly replied.

Then the skies opened widely, what a lovely bright light!
And I heard all the mumbles, "It's just more white flight."

Then a child in a manger started speaking in tongues
And began climbing a ladder, first by steps then by rungs.

I watched as the sky turned from purple to red
Filled with steeples of churches, "Like headstones," I said.

This scene was all scary and making me worry.
I wanted out of that place, right now, in a hurry!

Then it started to wear off, and I said with a grin,
"Happy Christmas, you heathens, it was the acid again!"