Today's blog will evolve slowly, if at all. Watch this space to determine whether I will, again, opt not to share my thoughts for the world to see or, instead, will become verbose. Not right now, though.OK, here is what I think tonight:
OK, I'm back. I have been watching the National Spelling Bee on television and it is really fascinating. Before you label me incurably boring, let me tell you, this is something that has drama, hope, and lots of room for tears of joy. The kids who participate in the Spelling Bee are obviously very, very bright kids, but more than that they are kids who understand the importance of taking something seriously...but not letting it ruin them. I am so impressed with these kids...if I thought kids were like this, I might have had some. Something that strikes me, though, is that the majority of these kids who have made it to Washington, DC are Indian, Chinese, or of related backgrounds. Native, white, middle class American kids are few and far between. This tells me something. It tells me that the cultures from which these kids came value intellect, achievement, and knowledge. And it tells me that Hugo Chavez, the nutcase Venezuelan pig, is right when he predicts that the "empire" that is today the United States will fail in this century. Americans, as a rule, don't fucking get it! We are so self-satisfied and self-important and holier-than-thou that we don't understand what we have lost...given away...ignored.
It has taken less than a generation for this country to fall into the abyss. Unless my niece and nephew and their spouses and cohorts take radical steps, their children will grow up in a failed democracy, at best, or under the thumbs of whatever country(ies) assume the mantle of leadership in the world when the U.S. is obviously unable to continue its role.
Another topic. Over the weekend, when my wonderful wife and I were driving south toward Falba, we listened to a segment on NPR that I want to share with you. Las Rubias del Norte is a New York City based group of non-Hispanic folks who got intrigued with Latin music and decided to play it. They are several people who have wonderful skills with music, with language, with making music in general. I liked hearing them talk. I liked their music. I encourage you to listen to them. Read a bit, then listen. Then, you will appreciate my recommendation and you will thank me, or at least you will consider it. Here is the link...read and listen.
A Different Take
I don't know...some days I feel so completely inadequate that I just can't imagine a future that has any value, any sense of accomplishment. I know that is bullshit, but sometimes it happens. Usually, this happens when I look at my life and wonder why I have allowed myself to feel controlled by my history, instead of the future I can create. Like tonight. I look around me and see a house in a north Dallas suburb that I am sure many people would find fabulous. I don'te. It's not a bad place, but it's not what I am after. I want to be away from the city. Cities tend to mold minds that don't want to be molded. Mine is one of them. I want to mold minds...I have no room for someone to mold my own.
I'm sad tonight. Nothing in particular, I guess, but I'm just sad. I feel like I've left a big piece of my life just happen, instead of controlling it. I could have made a difference in many areas, but I didn't. I'm so ashamed that I did not make a difference. I had the ability. I am above average in intellect, I think, and I could have made a difference. But I did not. I allowed myself to be molded by the neighborhood. It is not right. I...all of us...should have made a difference. I'm angry at myself. It is just too late to really make a difference, and I am so upset by that.
What can I do now? I can't simply insist to my wife that we abandon all of what we have. I want to, but I can't. It is not fair to her. I dream, some days, of waking up to the knowledge that I am utterly alone and that I have complete power over me...I don't have to be concerned about family, friends, etc.
I'll snap out of this. But the intellectual issues that give rise to my sadness and anger will remain. One day, I'll figure a way out of this...maybe a way to make a difference.
No comments:
Post a Comment