Unexpected Feelings...Off a Bridge

There are days that feel sad and somber and heavy. Why is that? Why is it that some days feel like the earth's pain is wrapped up in a blanket that's draped across one's chest? I don't know. But it happens. In my case, there is nothing in particular that precipitates these feelings of sadness. I don't believe it is depression, at least not in the clinical sense. But it is an overwhelming, powerful, suffocating sadness. It pops up without warning. My eyes tear, my memories are drawn to things from my past that are painful to this day. I feel like weeping, but without reason. What the hell is that? It's relatively rare, I'm glad to say, but when it hits, it's like a sack of heavy rocks tied to my belt. I've gone in and out of it today. I'm out of it now and I hope it will stay that way.

When I feel that somber heaviness, though, I feel connected to my past. I remember things my mother told me, I remember my father's advice to his young son. I remember feeling, in school, that I was sharper than the average student. But then I got knocked down. I've been so up and excited about buying a place in Mexico, this quick-serve depression is unexpected and most certainly unwelcome. I'm feeling like I've walked off a bridge. I don't want to to do it..I'm just down.