The older I get, the more certain I become that the concept of a creator, a god, an almighty being is utterly absurd. It seems to me that it is a fantasy. I don't object to people living in that fantasy, up to a point. I acknowledge that my certainty may be dead wrong. I can't prove there is no god. You can't prove there is. Let's agree on that. If your response is that there is proof...it's in the bible...let me suggest you and I can't communicate. I could be more direct about my opinion of your intellect, but I won't for now. But I certainly understand that my near-certainty may be wrong...I realize that my belief in genomes is not based on personal experience. But, anyway, religion is not my thing...I think it's usually a system of brainwashing that is ugly. I won't be going to church anytime soon. I hope you, dear reader, will not judge me badly for my lack of faith. But, if you do, so be it.
OK, I have explained that I am not a believer. What is more difficult for me to explain is that I do consider myself, in some ways that are very difficult to explain, spiritual. It almost frightens me to say it, because I know that some people who hear that react automatically..."he can be saved, after all." A woman I know and for whom I now have little respect, reacted to my comment to her that I was a nonbeliever, but did consider myself spiritual in some ways in the following way: "That tells me you are just a troubled spirit. If you will just let the lord into your life, you will experience a beautiful transformation." My response to her convinced her that I was not likely to be accompanying her to church that Sunday. I was rather direct with her. I think I said something like "Pardon me, but 'bullshit!' I may be a 'troubled spirit,' but I don't believe in the fantasy of god and won't anytime soon." I can be an asshole, despite my 'spirituality.'
Anyway, back to that issue. I think people who feel compassion for other people are spiritual. People who care that someone gets gang raped and wants to help the person deal with it are spiritual. People who will help the Baptist congregation rebuild its looted church, but who don't share any religious beliefs with the Baptists, are spiritual. People who care that their family has enough food and have shelter and are not living on the edge...they are spiritual, too.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if I am deluding myself. Is my 'spirituality' simply a mask for my religiosity? How can it be that I have this vague belief in a 'spiritual' life but am certain there is no god, no 'almighty?' Is my concept of spirituality a 'cover' for my real, but hidden, belief in a diety?
I am convinced it's not, but it is concievable...though I find that concept, itself, to be repugnant. I have a tough time reconciling the emotion of religion to intellectual responses to the world about me.
I supposed I have never really tried to define spirituality, separate from religion. I do have such disdain for religion. But I have such high regard for some of the premises of religion. Very odd. And I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee today, so I can't blame my state of mind on a caffeine high.
OK, enough of this crap! Now, it's a roadtrip to Falba! (If you don't understand Falba...I'll explain in a future post.) Big cooler, lots of dry ice, masses of food! Time to get into a birthday celebration!
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