Approximately Now

Monday, I interview with the selection committee of an organization that is considering using a company like mine for management. I'm not counting any chickens, inasmuch as I'm one of five or six they're interviewing, including some individuals who are under consideration as staff members (versus contractor, like my company would be). But it would be a huge win for us, since we've just lost 25% of the fees from our largest client; it would make that back and then some. But it would be a huge undertaking and much work for all of us...if we get it, I hope it's worth it. I doubt that it, or any of the other "pieces of business" we're going after are "worth it." But they might help pay the bills until the obligations of the new lease have been fulfilled.

It's tiring dealing with the office move, the declining revenue, the obligatory treatment of nasty, stupid people with more respect than they deserve. And going through the motions of really caring about the business, the profession, the industry, everything that's connected to any of it. Bitter? No. Not bitter at all. Ungrateful? More so than I should be.

In my other life, the life where things that matter actually matter, I had just a few snippets of activity today. A few interactions with people who think, a few successes in getting words recorded on the keyboard, an idea or two for books or short stories or poems. And a few chances to read, again, about life in another place, another climate, in a place where people cluster to share their worship of nature.

I miss the freedoms I never recognized as freedom before they were gone. It wasn't long ago that I could have simply packed my "stuff" and moved on. Even though it seemed impossible, it was possible. Now, it's not. Not when there are leases for which I've signed my name and pledged to pay (or give everything I own if I can't). Poor me. Bite me! Poor me, indeed! Smart people know that, if you make your bed, you lay in it. I made my bed. I wasn't thinking about that when I could have changed the course of the future.

What I don't miss is a nice mixed drink...and least I won't when I go make one, which will happen approximately now.