If I Could Control Temperatures...etc.

Summer arrived early in Dallas. Today's high, if indeed it gets no hotter, reached 92 degrees. It's April 2. Temperatures reached 92. This is a bad sign. I can tolerate 92, but it portends a miserable summer ahead, with temperatures climbing into the triple digits and, quite possibly, staying there for weeks and weeks. In 1997 or 1998, I think there were 45 consecutive days when the temperature reached over 100. When temperatures go over 100 degrees, the north Texas climate reminds us all that no one should have ever settled here.

If I could, I would exercise some control over the temperatures in north Texas. I would start by setting an upper limit, a point beyond which temperatures simply would not be permitted to go. That limit would probably be 87. I'd set a limit on the number of days that limit could be reached each year...five days. I'd also establish an average annual daytime high temperature...probably about 72 degrees. My control over evening temperatures would make living in Dallas much more appealing. Nighttime temperatures during most of the year would bottom out at about 50 degrees, maybe a bit higher. But if I had to permit temperatures to fall lower to control insects (mosquitoes and flies, mostly), I would be willing to do it. One of my objectives in controlling temperatures would be to eliminate the need for air conditioning...we could leave the windows open year-round, if I were in charge of meteorological phenomena. No bugs, nice temperatures. Living in Texas would be tolerable.

Well, I'd have to figure out a way to control politics and religion to really make it tolerable. I'm not sure how I'll do it by controlling temperatures. Maybe I need some additional powers...yeah, that's what I need. It might take some time to achieve the desired outcome (a socially progressive state in which private religious beliefs are tolerated, but not encouraged, and certainly frowned upon when included in public debate), but I'd probably start with the schools. Any teacher who does not possess adequate communication skills (I'll be the judge) will be terminated.

Administrators will be rewarded not for children achieving specific scores on tests but for children being able to demonstrate critical thought processes and knowledge about subjects that matter (to me and a few others).

Religious people will be allowed to speak publicly of their religious beliefs and their religions only if certify that they share Bill Moyers' sense of the role of religion in politics.

I've only just begun to think about how life in north Texas would change if only I could control the weather. Isn't it interesting that such control could begat additional powers? And isn't it stunning to think of the possibilities those powers could offer? Frankly, it might be easier, and far more attainable, to leave this godforsaken hell-on-earth for more friendly political, social, and meteorological climes.

Mexico? Chile? Wisconsin? (Summers...just summers.)

Damn! I'm missing The West Wing! Gotta go!