So Certain...But Then Again...Maybe Not

Second post today...maybe I'm in another productive period...

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My mind can change in an instant. I can revert from rabid atheist to wishful agnostic in a heartbeat. I can go from miltant death penalty proponent to weeping bleeding-heart liberal in the blink of an eye. My sensitivities can switch between hard-nosed, skeptical, distrusting employer to union-boosting socialist in a butterfly's breath. I am nothing, if not wishy-washy. But, By God, I am utterly certain about my opinions for as long as I hold them!

Either I am susceptible to persuasive, logical arguments or my attitudes and opinions are shaped by emotional manipulation. Naturally, I'd prefer the former, but the latter is probably responsible, in part, to the shifting tides of my beliefs. I am experiencing the world as a teenager experiences the world; looking for my own personality, but shaped by so many others' viewpoints. I'm going through my second puberty, I think, forty years late.

I didn't hear Norman Corwin's 'This I Believe' program on NPR last April, but I think I heard him being interviewed by Terry Gross recently on Fresh Air. I wrote recently about someone whose impromptu obituary prompted my own bizzare blog recently; I cannot find confirmation on the NPR website that it was Norman Corwin, but I think it was. Anyway, I found his 'This I Believe' comments to be so right.

I'm certain I find the policies of the United States utterly reprehensible...punishing to developing countries and their peoples, arrogant and self-aggrandizing. I'm certain I enjoy the benefits of living in this immoral society...I have material wealth (far less than many here, but I have more than most in developing companies anyway) and I like it and don't want to abandon it.

I'm certain I feel embarrassed and ashamed of being so comfortable, but I'm equally sure I don't want to give it up so I can help bring 90 Nigerian families to a level of wealth they cannot even dream of. How can I feel shame for my country, when I cannot act on the shame I feel about my own unwillingness to contribute to the greater good?

I wish I could either abandon my pretenses and simply enjoy my luxuries without regard for people who are starving, or that I could become the kind of person I wish we all were, and share my largesse with those who need it far more than I.

I'm certain I want to change...but maybe not.