Kehoro sat at the window, watching the birds dart from bush to bush, snatching into their beaks the brilliant red berries from the newest and most flexible branches. The sun was still hours from reaching its peak, but already the window glass close to his face made his cheeks and his hair feel warm. A bird with a red-tipped head that muted to pink and then grey toward the base of its head flitted back and forth between a tree and a basket, filled with flowers, that hung from the eve of the house. Kehoro took in the red and blue and yellow flowers that surrounded each of the trees in the yard. They pleased his eyes and the odor of freshly mown grass filled his nostrils and made him smile. But then he remembered what he had been thinking about and his mood changed.
Kehoro was unhappy in a most fundamental way. He did not know what he wanted from life, but he was completely dissatisfied with what he had. He meditated about his dilemma from time to time, though not in the traditional sense. He considered what he disliked about his current, and lifelong, situation and then tried to determine how he could change, either himself or his environment, to remove the source of the unhappiness. But it was useless.
Kehoro sought out his realm of discontent. He didn't know it, of course, but he sought it out.
The nearest he came to defining what happiness might be to him was a moment in which he realized that he wanted simplicity. A simple house, a simple role to play, a simple diet, a simple exercise regimen, a small and close set of friends who shared his sense of right and wrong and his sense of happiness.
The trouble with this definition was that it involved sacrificing many of the things he had come to enjoy, things that he had come to appreciate having in his life: alcohol, casual sex, fine foods, and Cuban cigars, among other things. His inclusion of an exercise regimen in his definition of happiness also was out of place. Kehoro equated exercise with pain. Indeed, he equated many elements of the simple life as he defined it as being painful. He was an adamant opponent of pain.
Pain made him unhappy, a state of mind from which he was seeking escape, so the idea of engaging in things he would consider painful to achieve happiness seemed utterly at odds with logic. All of these thoughts came rushing in at almost the same moment he decided simplicity would bring...or at least facilitate...happiness.
Mind you, this moment at which he realized he wanted simplicity was the nearest he came to defining happiness for himself.
When he found himself unexpectedly enjoying a moment, he caught the sensation and prevented it from getting out of control. "It's great now," he thought to himself, "but it can't last. Even if it could, it would lose its luster and its appeal fast and I would no longer enjoy it. But it won't last that long...never does." Sure enough, Kehoro's momentary jubilation, if you could call it that, dissipated in the blink of an eye. The pleasing taste of a glass of nice red wine gave way to concerns of a hangover. A night pierced by erotic pleasures with an attractive woman brought the morning and an awkward goodbye. An evening with a multi-course meal at a five-star restaurant ended with thoughts of too many calories and shame for spending money on such a meal instead of contributing most of the amount spent on the dinner to a food bank. In an attempt to return to a mild sense of happiness and satisfaction after the fine meal gone bad with guilt, Kehoro would smoke a Cuban cigar smuggled to him by a Canadian colleague. That, too, was redirected toward guilt for complicity in smuggling and fear of throat cancer.
Kehoro looked at the birds with envy; they looked to him as if they were happy, content with their lives and undistracted from the simple task of finding food. His sense of pleasure was interrupted. He had forgotten, for just a moment, the most important part of his story: he was a seeker and his realm was discontent.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Dream within a Dream
It was not until I posted this item that I discovered (by doing a Google search) that Edgar Allen Poe wrote a poem entitled Dream Within a Dream, so I decided to come back and acknowledge that. My story has no relationship to Poe's.
I intended to write about this earlier, but simply forgot.
I had at least two dreams last night...they may have been intertwined, but I am not sure. The first one was very odd, as it involved a dream within a dream. I was in the hallway of my office at work, possibly toward the back of the office suite. I looked up, across the hall, and saw an open full-sized door that revealed a very shallow "closet" only a few inches deep. I immediately recognized that someone had removed the sheet rock from the hallway side of the wall and had then re-sheetrocked inside (in my dream, it was a few inches deep--maybe 6 or 8 inches--in reality, had it been done, it would have been limited to about 3 inches deep). I looked down the hall and saw that there were marks all over the hall of seams where sheetrocking mud had been applied. I realized that this couldn't be, because I would have known about it. I then started saying "Is this a dream?" over and over again. But while I was asking the question, I started to realize I might actually be talking in my sleep so I became conscious of not wanting to wake my wife. Finally I was "awake" and out of the dream...standing in the same place in my office, realizing I had just awakened from a dream. I did not question the fact that, if I had just awakened from a dream, I would have been in bed, not standing in my office hallway.
Just then, I started speaking to someone about a trip I would be making to New York City. I don't know if it was part of the first dream or not. At some point, the dream seems to have either ended or cut over to being in a new dream in which I was in a taxi in New York City, very late at night. I was in the taxi with someone else, but I don't know who he was. I remember thinking that the flight had been very late and that we had rushed out of the airport terminal and taken the first cab. I told the driver the name of the hotel, which was utterly bizarre...something like "Attitude Accordant at Edgemont" (that's not the name, because I don't recall it...but it was something wierd like that). The other guy and I sat in the back seat, silently, as the cabbie drove and drove and drove. I looked over at the other guy and he was asleep. The cabbie started asking where the hotel was and what street it was on and I remember saying I did not know but I thought I had the address in my notebook...but when I pulled out the information, I could not read the address or even the hotel name. About this time, the cabbie said something about the hotel being in a really dangerous area and he knew exactly where it was. And then I realized I had not checked to see if I had any cash on me and I did not know whether this other person did, either. It may be that this other person was a client...not sure. Anyway, I started panicking that I might not have the money to pay the cabbie and I remember thinking the cab ride would likely be several hundred dollars.
That's all I remmeber.
It was so odd, dreaming that I was having a dream. I think I have had similar sensations in my dreams before...dreaming that I was having a dream. I wonder if that is common and, if so, if there is any significance to it. Probably not.
I intended to write about this earlier, but simply forgot.
I had at least two dreams last night...they may have been intertwined, but I am not sure. The first one was very odd, as it involved a dream within a dream. I was in the hallway of my office at work, possibly toward the back of the office suite. I looked up, across the hall, and saw an open full-sized door that revealed a very shallow "closet" only a few inches deep. I immediately recognized that someone had removed the sheet rock from the hallway side of the wall and had then re-sheetrocked inside (in my dream, it was a few inches deep--maybe 6 or 8 inches--in reality, had it been done, it would have been limited to about 3 inches deep). I looked down the hall and saw that there were marks all over the hall of seams where sheetrocking mud had been applied. I realized that this couldn't be, because I would have known about it. I then started saying "Is this a dream?" over and over again. But while I was asking the question, I started to realize I might actually be talking in my sleep so I became conscious of not wanting to wake my wife. Finally I was "awake" and out of the dream...standing in the same place in my office, realizing I had just awakened from a dream. I did not question the fact that, if I had just awakened from a dream, I would have been in bed, not standing in my office hallway.
Just then, I started speaking to someone about a trip I would be making to New York City. I don't know if it was part of the first dream or not. At some point, the dream seems to have either ended or cut over to being in a new dream in which I was in a taxi in New York City, very late at night. I was in the taxi with someone else, but I don't know who he was. I remember thinking that the flight had been very late and that we had rushed out of the airport terminal and taken the first cab. I told the driver the name of the hotel, which was utterly bizarre...something like "Attitude Accordant at Edgemont" (that's not the name, because I don't recall it...but it was something wierd like that). The other guy and I sat in the back seat, silently, as the cabbie drove and drove and drove. I looked over at the other guy and he was asleep. The cabbie started asking where the hotel was and what street it was on and I remember saying I did not know but I thought I had the address in my notebook...but when I pulled out the information, I could not read the address or even the hotel name. About this time, the cabbie said something about the hotel being in a really dangerous area and he knew exactly where it was. And then I realized I had not checked to see if I had any cash on me and I did not know whether this other person did, either. It may be that this other person was a client...not sure. Anyway, I started panicking that I might not have the money to pay the cabbie and I remember thinking the cab ride would likely be several hundred dollars.
That's all I remmeber.
It was so odd, dreaming that I was having a dream. I think I have had similar sensations in my dreams before...dreaming that I was having a dream. I wonder if that is common and, if so, if there is any significance to it. Probably not.
Personal, Political, and Perfunctory Musings
Calling Mexico
I sent a message this morning to an attorney I know who, a few years ago, moved to San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. I had a simple question: how does he have a U.S. Dallas-based phone number (with 214 area code)? I've not called the number, but I believe he once told me it rings to his office in Mexico. I'm interested in knowing how it works and how much it costs.
Another Birthday
My Falba-based brother is having a birthday tomorrow, June 12. It's a milestone birthday, so if you know him, call him to wish him a happy birthday. For his birthday, I think he'd like 100 acres of land and some cattle (along with a cash stipend of about $200,000), so if you have the abilities and the inclination to make a gift of such on his birthday, I'm sure he would be grateful.
Phillipine Independence Day Corresponds to My Brother's Birthday
June 12 is also the anniversary of the 1898 Philippine revolt against the colonial government of Spain, which Manila celebrates as the Phillipines' independence day. Apparently, not everyone is happy about that, as near-simultaneous bomb blasts occurred in various places around the Phillipines in connection with independence day; the bomb blasts are asserted to be related in some way to independence day.
Chilean Student Protests
Students participated in a national strike in Chile last week. President Michelle Bachelet promised to address students' needs by implementing various reforms intended to improve the quality of Chile’s public education system. In a speech a week ago Thursday night, she offered to finance the college entrance exams and transportation fees for the poorest 80 percent of Chile’s public school students. She also promised to increase the number of free school meals given to students, to provide scholarships for technical students during internships, to increase family subsidies, and to repair dilapidated facilities in the nation’s public school system.
The President’s plan will cost upwards of US$137 million annually, according to Finance Minister Andrés Velasco. In 2006, the funding for the plan will come from existing government revenues, while thereafter the costs will be paid for, in part, by new revenues coming to the government as a result of windfall copper profits. What the article I read in The Santiago Times did not say, though, was whether the students' demands for what amounts to nationalization of the school system are being seriously considered. As I have written before, I hope not.
Scary Mexican Politics
Andrés Manuel López Obrador is running for President of Mexico as the Democratic Revolution Party (PRD) candidate in what is becoming a very, very tight race. A few days ago, on the day of the last presidential debate, an armored car carrying Celia Gurza and her three children (Gurza had threatened to release videotapes said to show aides of López Obrador taking bribes) was fired on by gunmen. National Action Party (PAN) candidate Felipe Calderón, who had fallen behind recently, is now closing the gap. No one seems to know who might be behind the attack on Gurza, but speculation is that López Obrador's forces are, while other speculation is that Calderon's people staged the shooting to set up their opponent. Pundits are now saying Calderón will win by a slim margin, but it's really too tight to call, from what I have read. Regardless, the violent attack on Gurza's vehicle and the charges being flung by all candidates makes for a scary race. July 2 is election day in Mexico.
Beijing Vice Mayor in a Bit of Trouble
The Vice Mayor of Beijing Municipal Government, Liu Zhihua, was stripped of his post due to 'corruption and degeneration', state media reported Sunday. The decision was made during a meeting during the Standing Committee of 12th Beijing Municipal People's Congress, according to the Xinhua News Agency. Believe it or not, I do not care about this. I'm not sure why, but this matters not a whit to me.
Spaniards Rally Against Government Plan to Enter Talks with Basque Separatists
Hundreds of thousands of Spaniards demonstrated in Madrid on Saturday, demanding that the Spanish government cease plans to enter into peace talks with the Basque separatist group ETA. The organization is blamed for more than 800 deaths in its fight for an independent homeland in northern Spain and southwest France. Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, the Spanish prime minister, had advanced the plan as a way to end 38 years of violence. ETA had declared a cease-fire in March of this year.
I sent a message this morning to an attorney I know who, a few years ago, moved to San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. I had a simple question: how does he have a U.S. Dallas-based phone number (with 214 area code)? I've not called the number, but I believe he once told me it rings to his office in Mexico. I'm interested in knowing how it works and how much it costs.
Another Birthday
My Falba-based brother is having a birthday tomorrow, June 12. It's a milestone birthday, so if you know him, call him to wish him a happy birthday. For his birthday, I think he'd like 100 acres of land and some cattle (along with a cash stipend of about $200,000), so if you have the abilities and the inclination to make a gift of such on his birthday, I'm sure he would be grateful.
Phillipine Independence Day Corresponds to My Brother's Birthday
June 12 is also the anniversary of the 1898 Philippine revolt against the colonial government of Spain, which Manila celebrates as the Phillipines' independence day. Apparently, not everyone is happy about that, as near-simultaneous bomb blasts occurred in various places around the Phillipines in connection with independence day; the bomb blasts are asserted to be related in some way to independence day.
Chilean Student Protests
Students participated in a national strike in Chile last week. President Michelle Bachelet promised to address students' needs by implementing various reforms intended to improve the quality of Chile’s public education system. In a speech a week ago Thursday night, she offered to finance the college entrance exams and transportation fees for the poorest 80 percent of Chile’s public school students. She also promised to increase the number of free school meals given to students, to provide scholarships for technical students during internships, to increase family subsidies, and to repair dilapidated facilities in the nation’s public school system.
The President’s plan will cost upwards of US$137 million annually, according to Finance Minister Andrés Velasco. In 2006, the funding for the plan will come from existing government revenues, while thereafter the costs will be paid for, in part, by new revenues coming to the government as a result of windfall copper profits. What the article I read in The Santiago Times did not say, though, was whether the students' demands for what amounts to nationalization of the school system are being seriously considered. As I have written before, I hope not.
Scary Mexican Politics
Andrés Manuel López Obrador is running for President of Mexico as the Democratic Revolution Party (PRD) candidate in what is becoming a very, very tight race. A few days ago, on the day of the last presidential debate, an armored car carrying Celia Gurza and her three children (Gurza had threatened to release videotapes said to show aides of López Obrador taking bribes) was fired on by gunmen. National Action Party (PAN) candidate Felipe Calderón, who had fallen behind recently, is now closing the gap. No one seems to know who might be behind the attack on Gurza, but speculation is that López Obrador's forces are, while other speculation is that Calderon's people staged the shooting to set up their opponent. Pundits are now saying Calderón will win by a slim margin, but it's really too tight to call, from what I have read. Regardless, the violent attack on Gurza's vehicle and the charges being flung by all candidates makes for a scary race. July 2 is election day in Mexico.
Beijing Vice Mayor in a Bit of Trouble
The Vice Mayor of Beijing Municipal Government, Liu Zhihua, was stripped of his post due to 'corruption and degeneration', state media reported Sunday. The decision was made during a meeting during the Standing Committee of 12th Beijing Municipal People's Congress, according to the Xinhua News Agency. Believe it or not, I do not care about this. I'm not sure why, but this matters not a whit to me.
Spaniards Rally Against Government Plan to Enter Talks with Basque Separatists
Hundreds of thousands of Spaniards demonstrated in Madrid on Saturday, demanding that the Spanish government cease plans to enter into peace talks with the Basque separatist group ETA. The organization is blamed for more than 800 deaths in its fight for an independent homeland in northern Spain and southwest France. Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, the Spanish prime minister, had advanced the plan as a way to end 38 years of violence. ETA had declared a cease-fire in March of this year.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Saturdaying
I finally bought a pair of decent leather sandals, the kind with adjustable straps with velcro closures. Time will tell whether I like them. I'm perfectly happy with my cheap flip-flops, but they do tend to be problematic sometimes when I am driving, so I decided to go for something a bit safer, but still open enough to let air flow around my feet. It's not even mid-June and temperatures here have exceeded 100 degrees F, so I felt a certain urgency to get prepared.
The temperatures and lack of rain are, again, causing problems for north Texas. There are water restrictions in place all around us, including Dallas. I hope people understand the reasons for the restrictions and adhere to them. It's no trouble for me to live by them; I simply set the irrigation system to water only during periods of the day when it is permitted. I might cut back even more, but for the fact that my foundation has had severe problems with cracks and buckling in the past, costing well over $10K, and I cannot afford it again...nor do I want to. I would rather keep the ground sufficiently moist to prevent the problems.
With all the complaints I (and everyone about me) has about this weather, it sometimes help put things into perspective to think about people who were in this area 100 years ago. In 1906, there was no electricity or telephone infrastructure, no air conditioned home, no air conditioned (or otherwise) cars, no modern sewer system and water distribution system. Yet people got by. So can we. The people in 1906 were idiots, as are we, for settling in this area unfit for man nor beast, but they were survivors. I shouldn't complain so much. People tend to adapt very quickly to modern conveniences, to the point that those conveniences become...or are perceived to be...necessities. I suspect people can just as easily adapt in the other direction.
I heard a sobering thought along those lines (adaptability) recently in a news story on the radio about people considering high-mileage cars due to the high price of gas. The guy talking about people adapting said people can quickly adapt if they need to, but he was not optimistic that people would stay with a "cutback" adjustment if gas prices were to drop again. Rather than recognizing that they are capable of dealing with it, he said people would quickly start buying gas-guzzlers again, abandon any conservation measures they had taken, etc.
More later...whenever.
The temperatures and lack of rain are, again, causing problems for north Texas. There are water restrictions in place all around us, including Dallas. I hope people understand the reasons for the restrictions and adhere to them. It's no trouble for me to live by them; I simply set the irrigation system to water only during periods of the day when it is permitted. I might cut back even more, but for the fact that my foundation has had severe problems with cracks and buckling in the past, costing well over $10K, and I cannot afford it again...nor do I want to. I would rather keep the ground sufficiently moist to prevent the problems.
With all the complaints I (and everyone about me) has about this weather, it sometimes help put things into perspective to think about people who were in this area 100 years ago. In 1906, there was no electricity or telephone infrastructure, no air conditioned home, no air conditioned (or otherwise) cars, no modern sewer system and water distribution system. Yet people got by. So can we. The people in 1906 were idiots, as are we, for settling in this area unfit for man nor beast, but they were survivors. I shouldn't complain so much. People tend to adapt very quickly to modern conveniences, to the point that those conveniences become...or are perceived to be...necessities. I suspect people can just as easily adapt in the other direction.
I heard a sobering thought along those lines (adaptability) recently in a news story on the radio about people considering high-mileage cars due to the high price of gas. The guy talking about people adapting said people can quickly adapt if they need to, but he was not optimistic that people would stay with a "cutback" adjustment if gas prices were to drop again. Rather than recognizing that they are capable of dealing with it, he said people would quickly start buying gas-guzzlers again, abandon any conservation measures they had taken, etc.
More later...whenever.
Friday, June 9, 2006
Fogged In
I know...I should be blogging and telling stories and making it worth your time to stop by this blog. My attention span during the last couple of days has been short, so what I have (or have not) written is, let's say, lacking. And it continues. I'm fogged in.
Let me see, I have to write about something...if only a little bit. Well, tonight my wife and I went to a play entitled Take Me Out. I won't get into the plot for the moment, but I will relate an impression I got from one of the characters...and it has nothing to do with the play. One character is a remarkably uneducated, bigotted, and generally obnoxious redneck with the IQ of a grapefruit. The voice, inflections, and tone of the guy playing this character reminded me so much of George Bush...and it made me wince to think the rest of the world probably thinks Bush sounds just like that: a remarkably uneducated, bigotted, and generally obnoxious redneck with the IQ of a grapefruit.
OK, that was enough. More when my brain switches back on.
Let me see, I have to write about something...if only a little bit. Well, tonight my wife and I went to a play entitled Take Me Out. I won't get into the plot for the moment, but I will relate an impression I got from one of the characters...and it has nothing to do with the play. One character is a remarkably uneducated, bigotted, and generally obnoxious redneck with the IQ of a grapefruit. The voice, inflections, and tone of the guy playing this character reminded me so much of George Bush...and it made me wince to think the rest of the world probably thinks Bush sounds just like that: a remarkably uneducated, bigotted, and generally obnoxious redneck with the IQ of a grapefruit.
OK, that was enough. More when my brain switches back on.
Thursday, June 8, 2006
Temperatures Tell a Story
According to CNN's online weather service, it is (at 10:30 pm in Dallas) 84 degrees Farenheit in Chapala, Jalisco, Mexico. That is hot. That is miserable. That is not comfortable at all. How can people live like that? It's probably a few degrees cooler in Ajijic, on Lake Chapala, and maybe a bit cooler, still, at the foothills surrounding the lake.
According to weather.com, it's 90 degrees Farenheit in Dallas, Texas. It feels hotter. And it feels more humid than the 36% that weather.com reports. That's not comfortable, but I can tell you from experience, it feels miserable when one goes outside.
Dallas is a big, unattractive, neighborhoodless city. It is not designed for people to live outdoors. It is not designed for people to know their neighbors. Ajijic is. It is much smaller. People who live there seem intent on learning about their neighbors. People in Ajijic seem to value the concept of neighborhood.
I really, really want to get out of the rat-race. I do not know how much longer I can last in it. I may not have long for this world...who knows how long we have...and I do not want my last breaths to express my regrets for having decided to live a life I do not like. If my wife would support the idea, we would move...whether to Mexico or to Falba or to Dubrovnik or Costa Rica. I do not know...this ugly world sometimes seems silly in the way it coops us up in places we don't want to be.
According to weather.com, it's 90 degrees Farenheit in Dallas, Texas. It feels hotter. And it feels more humid than the 36% that weather.com reports. That's not comfortable, but I can tell you from experience, it feels miserable when one goes outside.
Dallas is a big, unattractive, neighborhoodless city. It is not designed for people to live outdoors. It is not designed for people to know their neighbors. Ajijic is. It is much smaller. People who live there seem intent on learning about their neighbors. People in Ajijic seem to value the concept of neighborhood.
I really, really want to get out of the rat-race. I do not know how much longer I can last in it. I may not have long for this world...who knows how long we have...and I do not want my last breaths to express my regrets for having decided to live a life I do not like. If my wife would support the idea, we would move...whether to Mexico or to Falba or to Dubrovnik or Costa Rica. I do not know...this ugly world sometimes seems silly in the way it coops us up in places we don't want to be.
Inspiration
Part I
I sometimes wonder why it's so hard for me to remain positive and optimistic. Not long ago on my blog, I committed to being more positive and to focus my efforts to make things better. Then, as I face the daily grind and the disappointments that naturally come with living one's life, I seem to allow myself to slip down. I become depressed, engraged, annoyed, and in generally a foul mood. Not a joy to be, or to be around. It doesn't help that, right now, I'm buried in work with not enough staff...and utterly unwilling to put in extra hours the way I know I should to satisfy my clients. Instead, I refuse...I want OUT of the office and when 5:00 pm comes around, I am antsy to leave. And it's hard to get up early to go in to the office. My weekend habit of popping up at 5:30 or earlier is not evident weekdays.
Well, I'm going to try again. Be happy. I need to understand, and act on the fact, that I need to focus my attention on what I can influence and ignore things I can't.
My sister-in-law suggested that my wife and I plan to visit them in Mexico in July, and I am really interested in going down. I need some more mental health time away from the office. I need time to think and reflect and decide. I don't need to see the sights, so much, as to experience being there. Or someplace.
Tomorrow is my youngest sister's birthday...an important one (but they all are). If you know her, be sure to send her birthday greetings! I will try to call her, between the multiple meetings and commitments I have. I'd take her out to Roy's if she would come to visit...or if I were there, I'd take her to the wonderful place she and my nephew took me to have mussels when I visited them (unless she had another choice).
The copper fountain outside the large windows in the living room looking to the back yard is pretty, with gentle streams of water flowing from the bulb at the top into the small basin just below...and then flowing into the larger basin underneath. Flowing water...and the noise it makes...is comforting. Where is my Buddha? There he is, looking fat and happy and sitting on my desk, as always. Teach me, Buddha, to be calm and meet the world with a strong greeting of my own.
Part II
I am not a Christian. I have nothing against them, but I simply don’t believe what they believe. God is, or isn’t, what you want him/her to be. If you believe god is a supreme being that created earth, etc., go crazy with your belief…but don’t be too upset that I don’t buy into it. If you are “spiritual” in the sense that you feel a person’s mind can go deep into ideas that are not often “public” and that help define an individual’s morality, then you have my “blessings.” But understand that I am not religious. I am, in fact, agnostic at minimum, but more likely atheist. Much more likely. That having been said, I can be inspired and impressed by people who are unabashedly Christian…true believers. That can happen only when their inspirational stories do not depend heavily on Christianity and biblical interpretations of reality. Tonight, I have been watching Wayne Dyer’s program on NPR. In some senses, it pisses me off to see an unabashedly Christian sales job going on…but it has lots of kernels of good, valuable information and really does address tolerance. I wish a charismatic leader of atheists…someone who can inspire interest and respect outside the atheist community…would emerge. It is not me. Would that it were.
I sometimes wonder why it's so hard for me to remain positive and optimistic. Not long ago on my blog, I committed to being more positive and to focus my efforts to make things better. Then, as I face the daily grind and the disappointments that naturally come with living one's life, I seem to allow myself to slip down. I become depressed, engraged, annoyed, and in generally a foul mood. Not a joy to be, or to be around. It doesn't help that, right now, I'm buried in work with not enough staff...and utterly unwilling to put in extra hours the way I know I should to satisfy my clients. Instead, I refuse...I want OUT of the office and when 5:00 pm comes around, I am antsy to leave. And it's hard to get up early to go in to the office. My weekend habit of popping up at 5:30 or earlier is not evident weekdays.
Well, I'm going to try again. Be happy. I need to understand, and act on the fact, that I need to focus my attention on what I can influence and ignore things I can't.
My sister-in-law suggested that my wife and I plan to visit them in Mexico in July, and I am really interested in going down. I need some more mental health time away from the office. I need time to think and reflect and decide. I don't need to see the sights, so much, as to experience being there. Or someplace.
Tomorrow is my youngest sister's birthday...an important one (but they all are). If you know her, be sure to send her birthday greetings! I will try to call her, between the multiple meetings and commitments I have. I'd take her out to Roy's if she would come to visit...or if I were there, I'd take her to the wonderful place she and my nephew took me to have mussels when I visited them (unless she had another choice).
The copper fountain outside the large windows in the living room looking to the back yard is pretty, with gentle streams of water flowing from the bulb at the top into the small basin just below...and then flowing into the larger basin underneath. Flowing water...and the noise it makes...is comforting. Where is my Buddha? There he is, looking fat and happy and sitting on my desk, as always. Teach me, Buddha, to be calm and meet the world with a strong greeting of my own.
Part II
I am not a Christian. I have nothing against them, but I simply don’t believe what they believe. God is, or isn’t, what you want him/her to be. If you believe god is a supreme being that created earth, etc., go crazy with your belief…but don’t be too upset that I don’t buy into it. If you are “spiritual” in the sense that you feel a person’s mind can go deep into ideas that are not often “public” and that help define an individual’s morality, then you have my “blessings.” But understand that I am not religious. I am, in fact, agnostic at minimum, but more likely atheist. Much more likely. That having been said, I can be inspired and impressed by people who are unabashedly Christian…true believers. That can happen only when their inspirational stories do not depend heavily on Christianity and biblical interpretations of reality. Tonight, I have been watching Wayne Dyer’s program on NPR. In some senses, it pisses me off to see an unabashedly Christian sales job going on…but it has lots of kernels of good, valuable information and really does address tolerance. I wish a charismatic leader of atheists…someone who can inspire interest and respect outside the atheist community…would emerge. It is not me. Would that it were.