There are days that feel sad and somber and heavy. Why is that? Why is it that some days feel like the earth's pain is wrapped up in a blanket that's draped across one's chest? I don't know. But it happens. In my case, there is nothing in particular that precipitates these feelings of sadness. I don't believe it is depression, at least not in the clinical sense. But it is an overwhelming, powerful, suffocating sadness. It pops up without warning. My eyes tear, my memories are drawn to things from my past that are painful to this day. I feel like weeping, but without reason. What the hell is that? It's relatively rare, I'm glad to say, but when it hits, it's like a sack of heavy rocks tied to my belt. I've gone in and out of it today. I'm out of it now and I hope it will stay that way.
When I feel that somber heaviness, though, I feel connected to my past. I remember things my mother told me, I remember my father's advice to his young son. I remember feeling, in school, that I was sharper than the average student. But then I got knocked down. I've been so up and excited about buying a place in Mexico, this quick-serve depression is unexpected and most certainly unwelcome. I'm feeling like I've walked off a bridge. I don't want to to do it..I'm just down.
Sunday, March 5, 2006
Take Action
Sometimes it's hard to be...period. This afternoon I was feeling a bit melancholy for no reason. Not big deal, but this sense was in my mind. Then tonight, my wife and I were watching the Oscars (she was...I was in and out), when I heard a comment that took me by surprise. Basically, the comment suggested that you can either take action or be guided by the world. I'll take action.
IKEA
My wife and I like last night's dinner...so we're doing it again. If you missed it, click here for details. I don't want to explain it all over again.
We went to IKEA today, looking for a television table that is the right size to accommodate our bargain-purchased Sony 32" Trinitron TV. It's a monster. Weight 165 pounds. It's been sitting in my study, waiting for me to find the right table for it to put in our master bedroom. So, we found it at IKEA today. Oh, we found plenty of other "ideal" tables, but the prices were outlandish. IKEA wanted only $99 (versus $1500+ other places), so we decided to go for it.
I put the table together this afternoon, after the requisite grunts, vulgar curses, yelps, howls, screams, etc., etc. I found that the electrical outlet we use for the bedroom TV is screwed up, so I have to replace it. The big TV is not yet on the table. I want to replace the screwed up outlet and then get everything in perfect order before moving the monster TV. It will be a day for screams and yodels.
Speaking of IKEA, if we were to decide to build a place in Falba, as we originally planned, it would be very small. A square or rectangle, probably. Then, we would furnish it and equip it from IKEA. Cheap, much cheaper than built-ins, etc.
Maybe we will build a tiny little place in Falba, after all. We want to go to Mexico, but we need help.
We went to IKEA today, looking for a television table that is the right size to accommodate our bargain-purchased Sony 32" Trinitron TV. It's a monster. Weight 165 pounds. It's been sitting in my study, waiting for me to find the right table for it to put in our master bedroom. So, we found it at IKEA today. Oh, we found plenty of other "ideal" tables, but the prices were outlandish. IKEA wanted only $99 (versus $1500+ other places), so we decided to go for it.
I put the table together this afternoon, after the requisite grunts, vulgar curses, yelps, howls, screams, etc., etc. I found that the electrical outlet we use for the bedroom TV is screwed up, so I have to replace it. The big TV is not yet on the table. I want to replace the screwed up outlet and then get everything in perfect order before moving the monster TV. It will be a day for screams and yodels.
Speaking of IKEA, if we were to decide to build a place in Falba, as we originally planned, it would be very small. A square or rectangle, probably. Then, we would furnish it and equip it from IKEA. Cheap, much cheaper than built-ins, etc.
Maybe we will build a tiny little place in Falba, after all. We want to go to Mexico, but we need help.
Memories of Spring
The signs are everywhere now. Spring, all two weeks of it, will soon blossom in north Texas. We may have a few cold snaps to get through, but Spring is here.
The Arizona ash in my front yard has already begun the process of budding, having has dropped thousands of spent buds on the grass and sidewalks in front of my house. I'm not quite sure what the things I call "spent buds" really are, but they make a bit of a mess. Birds seems to crave them, crowding almost every branch of the tree and fighting for the opportunity to taste what they must consider glorious morsels. When I open the front door and walk outside, the birds act as if a shotgun blast had shaken their tranquil worlds, taking flight en masse, only to return almost immediately. It's as if an invisible hand had shaken the branches hard, bouncing the birds several feet off the branches...and they just fall back in unison to land on the same branches.
Spring is a time that my wife and I used to take long, leisurely drives on the back roads of north and central Texas, viewing beautiful fields of wildflowers along the roadsides and down rarely-traveled county roads. We would join hundreds of families in their annual quest for natural beauty, and we'd find it. The Indian paintbrushes, bluebonnets, Indian blankets, evening primroses, wine cups, butter cups, and a thousand other beautiful flowers erupt almost overnight, creating brilliantly-colored landscapes that invite the artist in all of us to want to capture the beauty. We'd see parents placing their children in these beautiful fields so they could take photographs. I can imagine that many of those photos were indeed just as beautiful and precious to them as anything else they own. Years ago, when my wife's mother came to visit us in Texas, we took her for a long ride and stopped, along with the other families, to get some photos. We still have a picture of my wife and her mother sitting together smiling in a field of lovely bluebonnets.
Business responsibilities and time pressures have taken a toll on those long, leisurely drives. We rarely do that anymore. Instead, we cram our outtings into stolen moments among what seem to be endless weekend errands, rarely taking the time to just enjoy ourselves and the world swirling about us. The pace of life, not just ours but everyone's around us, has taken a toll, too, by making it hard to drive slowly along those country roads. Cars speed by, horns honk, people are in a hurry to get somewhere or do something. They don't even seem to notice the beauty outside their car windows. It's a pity, because there is so much beauty for them to see. Even here, even in north Texas where the landscape is not one of the area's drawing cards. It's not just the time, though, it's the number of people and the space they need. Now, it's necessary to drive farther away just to find fields of wildflowers; development has destroyed many of the places that were once prime viewing areas for wildflowers nearer to us.
It's time for me to start feeding the lawn so the grass will come in stronger than the weeds. I should be outside right now, pulling weeds from the flower beds and tidying up the yard. I remember a time when I enjoyed doing that. Now, my knees cringe at the thought of it. I remember when I delighted at the smell of freshly-cut grass, how energized I felt when I first smelled grass clippings in the Spring! I still delight at smelling freshly-cut grass, but I prefer someone else to do the cutting. All these memories flood back when I think Spring will be here soon.
But when I remember Spring, I must also remember that Summer comes quickly on its heals, with miserable heat, parching sun, and annoying insects. What a happy thought! Come on, I have to tell myself, enjoy Spring before you let the Summer heat get you down!
The Arizona ash in my front yard has already begun the process of budding, having has dropped thousands of spent buds on the grass and sidewalks in front of my house. I'm not quite sure what the things I call "spent buds" really are, but they make a bit of a mess. Birds seems to crave them, crowding almost every branch of the tree and fighting for the opportunity to taste what they must consider glorious morsels. When I open the front door and walk outside, the birds act as if a shotgun blast had shaken their tranquil worlds, taking flight en masse, only to return almost immediately. It's as if an invisible hand had shaken the branches hard, bouncing the birds several feet off the branches...and they just fall back in unison to land on the same branches.
Spring is a time that my wife and I used to take long, leisurely drives on the back roads of north and central Texas, viewing beautiful fields of wildflowers along the roadsides and down rarely-traveled county roads. We would join hundreds of families in their annual quest for natural beauty, and we'd find it. The Indian paintbrushes, bluebonnets, Indian blankets, evening primroses, wine cups, butter cups, and a thousand other beautiful flowers erupt almost overnight, creating brilliantly-colored landscapes that invite the artist in all of us to want to capture the beauty. We'd see parents placing their children in these beautiful fields so they could take photographs. I can imagine that many of those photos were indeed just as beautiful and precious to them as anything else they own. Years ago, when my wife's mother came to visit us in Texas, we took her for a long ride and stopped, along with the other families, to get some photos. We still have a picture of my wife and her mother sitting together smiling in a field of lovely bluebonnets.
Business responsibilities and time pressures have taken a toll on those long, leisurely drives. We rarely do that anymore. Instead, we cram our outtings into stolen moments among what seem to be endless weekend errands, rarely taking the time to just enjoy ourselves and the world swirling about us. The pace of life, not just ours but everyone's around us, has taken a toll, too, by making it hard to drive slowly along those country roads. Cars speed by, horns honk, people are in a hurry to get somewhere or do something. They don't even seem to notice the beauty outside their car windows. It's a pity, because there is so much beauty for them to see. Even here, even in north Texas where the landscape is not one of the area's drawing cards. It's not just the time, though, it's the number of people and the space they need. Now, it's necessary to drive farther away just to find fields of wildflowers; development has destroyed many of the places that were once prime viewing areas for wildflowers nearer to us.
It's time for me to start feeding the lawn so the grass will come in stronger than the weeds. I should be outside right now, pulling weeds from the flower beds and tidying up the yard. I remember a time when I enjoyed doing that. Now, my knees cringe at the thought of it. I remember when I delighted at the smell of freshly-cut grass, how energized I felt when I first smelled grass clippings in the Spring! I still delight at smelling freshly-cut grass, but I prefer someone else to do the cutting. All these memories flood back when I think Spring will be here soon.
But when I remember Spring, I must also remember that Summer comes quickly on its heals, with miserable heat, parching sun, and annoying insects. What a happy thought! Come on, I have to tell myself, enjoy Spring before you let the Summer heat get you down!
Saturday, March 4, 2006
A Little Cheese, a Little Sausage, Some Crackers, Some Wine...Wonderful
I have to be in the right mood for the kind of meal my wife and I had tonight. I must be in that mood. It's was very, very simple meal, with no time spent in preparation. This afternoon, we wandered through a gourmet market that happens to be inside an upscale liquor store where we had stopped to get some rum...I thought I was in the mood for a Cuba libre and we did not have any rum in the house. I hadn't had any rum since our trip to Mexico last December.
As we were wandering through the market, my wife noticed that there were several cheeses available for tasting, so she tried a few...so did I. They were tiny nibbles, but tasty enough to leave me wanting more. She had the same idea. We talked briefly about what we would have for dinner and decided wine and cheese would be just the ticket for our evening meal. We'd had a sizable lunch at one of our 'old standby' Mexican restaurants, where I had guiso de nopalitos (a really nice pork stew heavily flavored with a thick chile de arbol sauce and laced with lots of nopalitos [strips of prickly pear cactus] and potatoes) and my wife had enchiladas verdes. It was a lot of food for lunch. So, a smaller meal for dinner made good sense.
We bought a wedge of Double Glouchester (rich, crumbly, delicious), a wedge of Golden Cheshire, and a wedge of Pyranees with green peppercorns [for me...my wife did not like it at all]. We also bought Hot Fennel Salame (a very, very spicy French-style sausage [I didn't know the French made spicy-hot foods!] made in San Francisco by a company called Columbus Salame Company) and some sweet pepper & basil crackers. To complement the meal, we bought a bottle of André Brunel Grenache Vin de Pays de Vaucluse 2004, a very inexpensive (less that $10) French Red Rhone Wine. We'd had the wine before, as the store had hawked it recently as a good, inexpensive wine and we thought it was worth trying. It was, so my wife decided she wanted to get it again.
My favorites were the Hot Fennel Salame, the Pyranees, and the Golden Cheshire. But I really liked everything else, as well. Even though all that may sound like a lot of food, it wasn't...it was a very small meal, in fact, but it hit the spot.
What a wonderful dinner! I'm documenting it in this blog for my sake...I want to remember what to get next time I'm in the mood for a small wine, cheese, sausage, and cracker dinner.
As we were wandering through the market, my wife noticed that there were several cheeses available for tasting, so she tried a few...so did I. They were tiny nibbles, but tasty enough to leave me wanting more. She had the same idea. We talked briefly about what we would have for dinner and decided wine and cheese would be just the ticket for our evening meal. We'd had a sizable lunch at one of our 'old standby' Mexican restaurants, where I had guiso de nopalitos (a really nice pork stew heavily flavored with a thick chile de arbol sauce and laced with lots of nopalitos [strips of prickly pear cactus] and potatoes) and my wife had enchiladas verdes. It was a lot of food for lunch. So, a smaller meal for dinner made good sense.
We bought a wedge of Double Glouchester (rich, crumbly, delicious), a wedge of Golden Cheshire, and a wedge of Pyranees with green peppercorns [for me...my wife did not like it at all]. We also bought Hot Fennel Salame (a very, very spicy French-style sausage [I didn't know the French made spicy-hot foods!] made in San Francisco by a company called Columbus Salame Company) and some sweet pepper & basil crackers. To complement the meal, we bought a bottle of André Brunel Grenache Vin de Pays de Vaucluse 2004, a very inexpensive (less that $10) French Red Rhone Wine. We'd had the wine before, as the store had hawked it recently as a good, inexpensive wine and we thought it was worth trying. It was, so my wife decided she wanted to get it again.
My favorites were the Hot Fennel Salame, the Pyranees, and the Golden Cheshire. But I really liked everything else, as well. Even though all that may sound like a lot of food, it wasn't...it was a very small meal, in fact, but it hit the spot.
What a wonderful dinner! I'm documenting it in this blog for my sake...I want to remember what to get next time I'm in the mood for a small wine, cheese, sausage, and cracker dinner.
Celebrating Health & Mexico
My cardiologist's office called yesterday and left a message on my answering machine. The message was that the results of my stress test were normal and that I should plan to have another on in one year. Hot damn! That's good news, so I'll celebrate.
I'll celebrate some other things, too. For one, I'll celebrate that my wife and I have begun the search for a house in Mexico, with the help of my brother and his wife who live there. I'm almost 53 and she's almost 60, so neither of us are awfully close to the U.S. government-approved retirement age, but I think we're both very, very ready to retire...if only we can figure out a way to support ourselves. If we can buy a place in Mexico and rent it our for a few years, we may well be able to retire early. In Mexico, our limited resources would go further and it may be possible to use our savings and the proceeds of the sale of our house, etc., to support ourselves until our Social Security and 401Ks, etc., kick in. We have to figure out how to buy the house in Mexico, of course, but we think we might be able to swing getting an inexpensive place. So, we're ready to celebrate, but not loudly...we don't want to count our chickens before they cross the road...or whatever.
I'd like to explore what I have HEARD is possible, that is, using money from a 401K to invest in real estate...I'd love to be able to take money from the 401K and purchase a house/condo in Mexico. Not sure who would be able to tell me straight out whether that is possible. I get conflicting information, depending on which accountant I talk to.
Much work to be done around here today, so I have to stop the bloggery.
I'll celebrate some other things, too. For one, I'll celebrate that my wife and I have begun the search for a house in Mexico, with the help of my brother and his wife who live there. I'm almost 53 and she's almost 60, so neither of us are awfully close to the U.S. government-approved retirement age, but I think we're both very, very ready to retire...if only we can figure out a way to support ourselves. If we can buy a place in Mexico and rent it our for a few years, we may well be able to retire early. In Mexico, our limited resources would go further and it may be possible to use our savings and the proceeds of the sale of our house, etc., to support ourselves until our Social Security and 401Ks, etc., kick in. We have to figure out how to buy the house in Mexico, of course, but we think we might be able to swing getting an inexpensive place. So, we're ready to celebrate, but not loudly...we don't want to count our chickens before they cross the road...or whatever.
I'd like to explore what I have HEARD is possible, that is, using money from a 401K to invest in real estate...I'd love to be able to take money from the 401K and purchase a house/condo in Mexico. Not sure who would be able to tell me straight out whether that is possible. I get conflicting information, depending on which accountant I talk to.
Much work to be done around here today, so I have to stop the bloggery.
Friday, March 3, 2006
Climatic Horror
Today, I learned that the latest scientific data about icecaps of Antarctica is not good. Scientists had forecast that, as the icecaps of the Arctic melted, the warmer temperatures on earth would result in more snow over Antarctica, which would create a more dense ice pack. Not so, apparently. Both the northern and southern poles are seeing more rapid melting of the ice than previously thought to be the case. Scientists are warning that the world could see 200 foot increases in sea level (not in my lifetime...but sooner that would have once been thought possible). I heard one scientist predict that, unless we somehow reverse the process, children today will see 80 foot increases in sea level by the time they reach middle age.
OK, Bush and pals, I will concede that there is no definitive proof that global warming is the cause of this catastrophic development. I'll concede, too, that severe restrictions on emissions of green house gases could have a negative impact on businesses, if business simply fails to respond to restrictions by redirecting resources and energies into other revenue streams. But I will not concede that damage to profitability trumps damage to the future of the planet and all the creatures on it.
This country, this EARTH, so desperately needs leaders who will be open, straightforward, and brutally honest. We need leaders who will insist on massive changes in political policies that will not only promote policies to minimize emission of greenhouse gases, but will punish countries, companies, and individuals that don't change their behavior. We need a U.S. president who will say, "Americans, we are at a critical crossroads. We must either take immediate, bold, and dramatic steps to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases or we must take responsibility for the irreversible destruction of the planet. Today, not tomorrow, but TODAY, we must act to change or we will be signing the death warrants on our children and our grandchildren...and if we do not act, we will be assuring our children that we have sacrificed them for our own convenience." Or words to that effect.
OK, what if the scientists are wrong and the U.S. president is right? What if greenhouse gases aren't responsible? What if it's a natural cycle? Well, the economy might (or might not) be harmed temporarily. And the U.S. president will be proven right. (Chances: 1 in 999 trillion.)
Then it won't matter that we cut back on greenhouse gases...the world won't notice.
But if the scientists are right, the world will be a very different, awfully uncomfortable place (if it is even habitable). Enormous numbers...millions and millions...of people will suffer and die. All because our president and our people are unwilling to rein in their greed.
OK, Bush and pals, I will concede that there is no definitive proof that global warming is the cause of this catastrophic development. I'll concede, too, that severe restrictions on emissions of green house gases could have a negative impact on businesses, if business simply fails to respond to restrictions by redirecting resources and energies into other revenue streams. But I will not concede that damage to profitability trumps damage to the future of the planet and all the creatures on it.
This country, this EARTH, so desperately needs leaders who will be open, straightforward, and brutally honest. We need leaders who will insist on massive changes in political policies that will not only promote policies to minimize emission of greenhouse gases, but will punish countries, companies, and individuals that don't change their behavior. We need a U.S. president who will say, "Americans, we are at a critical crossroads. We must either take immediate, bold, and dramatic steps to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases or we must take responsibility for the irreversible destruction of the planet. Today, not tomorrow, but TODAY, we must act to change or we will be signing the death warrants on our children and our grandchildren...and if we do not act, we will be assuring our children that we have sacrificed them for our own convenience." Or words to that effect.
OK, what if the scientists are wrong and the U.S. president is right? What if greenhouse gases aren't responsible? What if it's a natural cycle? Well, the economy might (or might not) be harmed temporarily. And the U.S. president will be proven right. (Chances: 1 in 999 trillion.)
Then it won't matter that we cut back on greenhouse gases...the world won't notice.
But if the scientists are right, the world will be a very different, awfully uncomfortable place (if it is even habitable). Enormous numbers...millions and millions...of people will suffer and die. All because our president and our people are unwilling to rein in their greed.